I Keep Her Ghost Near - Leah Ayliffe

I Keep Her Ghost Near

I would lie on the ground in the hallway
Just before my front door, where light could shine through
But it didn’t
Because I would lay on the floor in the silent night
Starring up the great stairs,
the railing wrapping around that area where we used to play.
My mind races back to the beginning, the ghosts are near
And dear.
Sometimes I watch, confused, thinking they are strangers.
Yet the thrill in their laughter brightens the past.
I remember, I remember.
If remembering counts as knowing what was,
What has been, or ever is real.
It is real in this moment, I don’t care what you say.
I say it and so it is.

The ghosts trace my mind,
echoing a heart ache that’s still fine,
His face I see in a flash.
The broken glass so beautiful,
The psychedelic colours move through the light,
The spark of stars, or the sunshine beams of dawn.
I am haunted.
I was always haunted.
Once of what would, could, would not be.
And I grew, maybe like a child, I grew ancient,
Haunted by what was or could have been if only..
And this beautiful ghost who smiles like an angel would,
Is alone in her mind.
I want to let her know, be happy my darling,
Do not wander too deep in that pretty little head.
I want to let her know it’s not so scary,
Death is a blessing and a friend,
A beautiful truth shining in darkness.
Please let yourself fall in love with it.

Lightening strikes, I am on the ground.
I nod farewell.
It’s time to fall asleep with memory,
I don’t mind, I don’t mind.
God can haunt my soul if his face is my face,
His hands my hands that reach for her, unknowing little fool.
Take her on a holiday,
because I cannot bear knowing
she is trapped in that confused state of mind.
And I'm here, free.
I stopped looking for the answers.

~Leah Ayliffe